Sigh

On Friday afternoon, driving back to work from lunch, I rear-ended a van that stopped unexpectedly in front of me.

I wasn't speeding. I wasn't talking to a passenger or on the phone. I didn't have the radio on. I wasn't checking out the scenery. We took started from a stop light and just past the intersection she slammed on her brakes and I did the same. Even though the weather had not been raining or snowing at all that day the roads were damp and the tires refused to grip the road. As I slid I had time to think "damn, I'm going to hit that van". Then bamn.

The damage looked devastating on Friday but yesterday we had the car towed to the house and the intervening time has eased some of the anguish I felt and the damage looks repairable. Whether or not its fiscally affordable to do so remains to be seen.

The worst part of all of this is not the cost of the accident or the inconvenience of having only one vehicle again (although those are considerable weights on my mind), no the worst part is the reputation of being the bad driver, knickname "Crash", for my incidents in the past and this one to only re-open the wounds.

I really thought I had gotten past that. Over 5 years with no accidents despite over 2000 km of driving every month (that time I slid into the ditch doesn't count, the car had no damage and the stretch of road was unexpectedly treacherous!) and I was feeling confident that I was a better driver now. How many times did I drive through snow storms, ice rain, deer herds, and crazy city traffic without incident on my way too and from work?

All down the drain. Back to the sincere "drive carefully" admonishments and reminders from my parents as they shake their head in disappointment and it makes me want to bang my head against a wall. Its not like I drive dangerously without your reminder people! Sigh.

In the end, this too will pass. If I must wear the "bad driver of the family" medallion, so be it. I certainly have earned it.