Whoooooooooooooo Are You? Who-Who? Who-Who?

This seems to be making the rounds, and I've been tapped by Andrew to do it for myself now.

Three names you go by:
Bill
William
Billy (Only girls and family members can get away with this one.)

Three screen names you have:
Quint'Aan
Farseer Bill
bdullemond

Three things you like about yourself:
I'm witty (sometimes)
I'm smart (sometimes)
I'm forgiving

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
overweight
Lack motivation without pressure
Easily frustrated

Three parts of your heritage:
Irish
Dutch
Rural Ontario

Three things that scare you:
Death
Politics
Lack of money

Three of your everyday essentials:
Soft Drinks (Coke, Diet Pepsi, or lately C2)
Good Night's Sleep
Chicken

Three things you are wearing right now:
Pajama Pants
t-shirt
boxers
(I just got up)

Three of your favorite bands/artists (at the moment):
Sarah Mclaughin
Bare Naked Ladies
Black Eyed Peas

Three of your favorite songs at present:
Somebody Told Me (Killers)
Building a mystery (Sarah Mclaughin)
Retarded (Black Eyed Peas)

Three things you want to try in the next 12 months:
Build a second bathroom
Gardening
A crazy day of Axis & Allies, both Europe and Pacific at the same time with 4 other people

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
Understanding
Harmony
Some Space periodically

Two truths and a lie:
I Never Saw "Its a Wonderful Life"
My favourite movie of all time is "Ground Hog Day"
I pay off my credit card every month

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
Red Hair
Freckles (not a lot, but some)
Curves

Three things you just can't do:
Watch people take needles
Be purposely late
Sit Still

Three of your favorite hobbies:
Warhammer
Board Games
Computer Games

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
Shower
Watch the Incredibles movie
Play Sims 2

Three careers you're considering:
Walmart employee
Hobby Store Owner
Computer Programming

Three places you want to go on vacation:
Camping in the Canadian Shield
Cruise in the Caribbean
London England

Three kids' names:
Ophelia
Mikaela
Holden

Three things you want to do before you die:
Build My Own Home (well, design it at least)
Have children
Own a sports car

Three people who have to take this quiz now or die a painful death:
Corey
... (I don't know two other people that read this blog who I could name!)

Stick a Fork In Me, I'm Done

Another Christmas, another year of being full up to my eyeballs.

My parents came over Christmas Eve, but didn't stay long. After supper we exchanged gifts and they were back on the road to home because they were having an extended family dinner Christmas Day. Kim and I had the evening with no demands, so we pulled out Star Wars Monopoly and had a good time. Kim won.

Christmas day we exchanged gifts (new tool box unit for me, the red metal ones like car mechanics use) and then drove on down to the in-laws place for Christmas dinner. Ate too much vegetables and probably too much chocolate. Damn Lindors... We then played dominos (Mexican Train variation) until bedtime. Pretty fun.

Slept poorly on an air mattress so I'm feeling a bit groggy today. A trip to the Brockville Thousand Islands Mall where it was crazy with crowds didn't help my energy levels much. Relaxing brwosing the web right now, and we have a short trip to my paternal grandparents in a couple hours before going back home for the night.

Tomorrow is relax day, clean up day, and play with new toys day.

New Culinary Experience Tonight - Part II

Well, I survived meal last night. It was actually really good and I even managed to use chopsticks for the whole meal. I was proud of that.

The first dish to come out was some sort of meat and Yang wouldn't tell us what it was. "Just try it, just try it," he says. I'm feeling adventurous so I pick up a piece of the meat and eat it. The sauce is good and the meat is kind of tough and chewy. Not bad. "So what it is it?" I ask.

"Do you like it?"

"Its not bad," I reply warily, "but what is it?"

"Pork.... ears."

Yep. Thin strips of cut up and fried pork ear. Yum.

It wasn't too bad and I had a couple more pieces to be polite and give it a good try, but once I knew what I was eating I was strangely put off by it.

The rest of the meal was very good. Two kinds of pork stir fry, some really nice chicken, some vegetable that I don't remember the name of, lamb ribs, and of course: Beijing Roasted Duck. We had a good time and some laughs.

Death and Taxes

Just got my year end pay stub. Of the money I earned, 31.0405% I never saw as it was taken off for taxes, Employment Insurance, and Canada Pension Plan. According this this website, that is right on target for Canada. Seems like a lot when I consider what the Liberal government has done me for the past decade. I don't mind paying the money, I get frustrated not being able to support the things I want; more money for the military for example. When paying your taxes they should give you a certain percentage that you can allocate as you see fit.

I can dream, can't I?

NHL Strike Continues

I actually missed hockey for the first time last night when I thought how it would be nice on Christmas Eve to sit down with my father, turn on a game, and shoot the breeze about sports. Sports is one of the only areas of common interest we share and without it we will have to expand our repertoire of topics.

Also going to miss the annual visit to the Corel Centre my wife and I make with Andrew and Jennie. Stupid lockout.

New Culinary Experience Tonight

Tonight our co-op student for our team here at work is getting us to all go out for real Chinese food, superficially Peking Duck (should it be Bejing Duck? Dunno...) None of us except Yang have had real Chinese food before, only the westernized versions so it should be very interesting. I'm usually very nervous trying new food but Yang insists it is delicious so we'll give it a go.

We are going to miss Yang around here, he's been a powerhouse for four months and we would hire him on the spot if he didn't have to go back to school. Plus he's more interested in hardware. Ick. Yang's replacement is from Carleton University (my old Alma Mater) and will be here for 8 months starting in January. Hope he is at least half as good as Yang is.

Newspaper Subscriptions? Yeah Right...

From Jay Currie's blog: Dead Trees Falling

A chart of newspaper circulation in the US... Putting up subscriber walls is not helping.

I'm not surprised. I haven't purchased an actual paper copy newspaper in over a year even though I used to buy them all the time. Explains all the subscription walls lately though, as news corporations try to stop people getting their information for free. Time for newspapers to go to a pure advertising model like TV. Screw the walls! Screw the Man!

PolSpy is back!

Good to see the gents at PolSpy are recovering.

Thought For The Day, 2004-12-22

Have you ever wondered, when Judy Sgro sits on Santa's knee at the mall, if she also gives him a lap dance?

Yeah, me too.

Is It Friday Yet?

Woke up a little more tired this morning than usual and got into work to see a big pile of tasks built up from yesterday because I wasn't in the office. Yay.

I used to be a software developer, but I became a team lead of a group of varied engineers responsible for keeping the clients happy in the field. Since they work in software packages I'm not familiar with I can't oversee what they do. Hence my job is more of a communications hub and task dispatcher. I was pleased with the promotion at first a few months ago, now I'm a little bored with it.

The good news is, this position is only temporary and I go back to full developer in March as part of a rotation of the support team.

High School Part II

My current reminiscing about High School brought back a lot of memories.

I almost always got good grades in school, especially in math and science courses (including Computer Programming classes). It wasn't because I was particularly smart or worked hard, I just had good retention of things I read and did and was able to recall them with little difficulty on tests and exams. I'm sure if I had actually pushed myself I could have gotten even better marks than I did, but it was really a case of apathy: why try for higher marks when I was already getting marks that my parents were very proud of and most other students would like to have?

I was far more concerned with one thing: people liking me, especially girls. I don't know why, but I was desperate for a girlfriend in high school, but since teenagers can smell desperation a mile away I was always on the outside looking in. Another large part of the problem was that I had crushes on the cutest girls that I realistically stood no chance with.

I was overweight growing up and at a school like mine where athletics was worshiped and academics was disparaged, it wasn't always fun. Overweight and gets good grades? The only thing that saved me from being ostracized was my friends who were in better shape and got only average grades.

I had a good group of friends. We all lived north of the city and bussed into town where the school was, so we all had things in common like having to drive kilometers to visit each other and having to go into the city for fun stuff like hockey games for the Junior A team. At school we hung out and did things like play hockey-tennis in the gym at lunch, or visit the video arcade. Every Friday we crossed the street to have lunch at McDonalds. In later years our group started golfing and once in a while we would skip class in the afternoon to go out to the course and get in a round. Those were great times.

Halfway through my 5th year of high school (back in the day, students interested in going on to university could opt to take OAC courses in a 5th year instead of being forced out the door after 4 years), I started an exercise regime that allowed me to lose a lot of weight and gain some confidence. From March of 93 to Sept 95 I had the best time of my life including starting university, finally getting a girlfriend or two (including the woman who would become my wife), and making a lot of new friends. Although my life before that was pretty good, the contrast makes it seem like a dark and dreary period  and perhaps that is why I feel so much loathing towards those days of relative loneliness and anguish.

I wish my High School Experience (TM) had been better. I wish I had had more confidence and had lost the weight earlier instead of later. In the end, I'm glad I survived and hope any children I raise can learn from my mistakes and I can guide them through the hazards better than I experienced.

Freaking Cold!

Its -30 this morning, -43 with the wind chill factored in. Its cold enough to freeze exposed skin in less than a minute. Holy Crap! I was wise enough to clean up the garage this weekend and fit the car in there overnight. I have serious doubts it would have started this morning without being in shelter.
In other news, we had our first fire of the year in the stove and it made the den very cozy last night. The geckos seemed appreciative of the extra heat, and Kim it was nice to have one warm spot in the house. I just about froze in bed last night, but I was never cold enough to get up and get another blanket. Time to get one beside the bed so my lazy butt doesn't have to go far to get one.
As a side note for those not familiar with this area, we typically don't get temperatures this low until January or February, so if this is indicative of what's to come, I'm buying warmer socks.

Big Government

An Interesting article in the Washington Times regarding the Bill of Rights:

 The world the framers gave us (government's powers limited to a small list) is entirely different from the world given by the Bill of Rights (people's powers limited to a small list).

Basically what the author is saying is that the original Constitution defined what the government could do and that was it, while the Bill of Rights amendments defined what rights the people have, thereby allowing the government to assume that every other right was fair game for legislation and control. This in turn has allowed the government of the United States to turn into a sprawling corporation intent upon the control of the minutiae of everyday life.

I'm not a fan.

I believe that the less government interference in our lives the better off we are. Yes, somethings require government intervention and I'm not a fan of letting people lose homes or starving because of lack of work. But at the same time, things like Sponsorship funds (even assuming its administered properly), gun registries, Drive Clean initiatives, Health Care summits, it all seems so.... unnecessary. As if governing has become an industry unto itself and we are merely resources to feed its coffers.

Bah. Enough whining. Carry on.

High School

I try not to carry grudges and as a rule I've done pretty well. I can have a full hate-on for someone one month and next month be perfectly fine with them again. Live and let live I say.

There are four guys from high school I cannot bring myself to forgive no matter how I rationalize it. They were a big part of why I thought of high school as The Worst Time of My Life (TM) and a fundamental part of my personality thrives on imagining those guys as fat, balding men working in dead-end retail jobs in the pathetic mall in Brockville. The kind of mall other malls look at and go, "What the hell?! Get it away from me!"

Reflection of those times would show only a few isolated incidents over the 5 years I went to school where they actually made my life hell. For the most part I had a good time with some good friends. We did some wild things and had some great laughs. No, the reason I am holding this grudge is because I wanted so desperately to be liked by the cool kids. (My group of friends wasn't the Losers Club, but we weren't in the Popular Kids Federation either.) Not just the cool kids though, the cool girls. I had so many crushes on different girls that I suspect I was sub-consciously keeping my options open in case I had the off chance with any of them. It was pathetic.

Anyways, when the big four meanies made fun of me or picked on me, it was usually in class or in the hall where the cool girls would see and I'd be horrified and embarrassed to death. I was thin skinned growing up, still am. I just have the emotional and social tools to deal with it better now.

So those few episodes scarred me and I carry them with me even though its been over ten years since I graduated from High School. Just the thought of going back to Brockville is enough to make me cringe on the off chance I see people I know; I'm that horrified of my days there. I used to fantasize about going back to the 25 year reunion and showing up in a sports car and lots of money, but nowadays I'd be happy to never return. If my family and my wife's family didn't live back there I doubt I ever would.

When my kids are old enough to go to high school, I hope they have a better time than I did.

Frustrated Blogger

Brock at brock: on the attack has grown frustrated:

A Bridge Too Far.

I’m starting to realize that this blog has resulted in serious damage to aspects of personal life, and I am therefore considering a discontinuance of my public writings.

I can sympathize with him that differing opinions can drive wedges in relationships. I hope he continues to write for those who read his blog, and that he finds some new friends that don't get offended by his politics.

Test Post from Sauce Reader

Trying out a post from my workstation using Sauce Reader instead of the Blogger web interface.

Update: Egads, it worked! Look out world, here I come.

Book Reviews

Two books I'd like to recommend today are both by Jack McDevitt. Chindi and Omega are two books set one after another a few hundred years in the future. (It should be noted that Engines of God and Deepsix are books from the same series but set before Chindi and Omega, so check them out first unlike me.)

I found the writing style easy to follow and enjoyable, grabbing my interest with fantastic but believable storylines and characters. Both books moved at a good pace and finished with a solid ending. I am definitely going to look into buying some more books by this author for my library.

Am I A Geek?

You are 10% geek

OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

I refute this result by saying that I am far more of a geek than this quiz suggests! Its just that my geekyness is not mainstream geekyness, but alternate geekyness such as miniature wargaming, geckos, and a fondness for Socio-Politic-Economic bloggers!

So there.

Ian Welsh is My Hero

Ian Welsh at Tilting at Windmills once again reminds me why he's one of my favourite bloggers. His clarity of point and writing style are just magnetic and entirely readable in my ever so humble opinion.

Ok, enough gushing. This particular post is in response to a message supposedly from the "Iraqi Resistance". Whether it is or not, the topic Ian discusses is one that interests me because it talks about the shape of the world to come in ways that many to do not. Read it.

Same Sex Marriage

Same sex marriage (aka SSM)is hot in the news again since the Supreme Court of Canada ruled recently that it was constitutional.

Andrew at Bound By Gravity proposes the true Canadian solution would involve compromise by both the proponents and opponents of SSM, creating legal equivalence between Civil Unions and Marriages with the former being for Gays and Lesbians and the latter for heterosexuals.

That got a lot of feedback, including this post by Captain Flynn of Against All Flags pointing out that segregation didn't work in the South for Caucasians and Negroes, it won't work for homosexuals and heterosexuals.

Curt also posted in response to Andrew, putting up this defense for saying no to SSM on his blog, pointing out that being against SSM is not the same as being against Homosexuals.

And one last post I'll point to, where Jay Currie asks why should polygamy should be proscribed from our culture when it is allowed in all but name already.

A lot of reading, lots of points, and lots of thinking to do. I came to my conclusions about this issue so let me take you on the path I took to get where I did.

What marriages do we currently disallow in our society today?
- you cannot marry non-humans
- you cannot marry children (i.e. underaged people)
- you cannot marry a close relative
- you cannot marry more than one person at the same time

The first is because you need acquiescence from the person you are marrying and we are currently unable to perfectly communicate and understand other species. We may think we can or feel like we can, but the reality is that we cannot and may never be able to.

The second is because children are not mature enough to make decisions for themselves. They have neither the life experience or fully developed reasoning abilities required to make such a commitment.

The third is because it is genetically unsafe should any children come of the relationship.

Polygamy is proscribed because our culture doesn't like it, much like it has issues with SSM.

Some opponents of SSM claim that allowing gays to marry would open the "floodgates" to removing the restrictions of the above four proscribed marriages. While I agree that if we allow SSM we should honestly consider polygamy as a possibility, but I don't think the reasons we disallow the other three cases suddenly become invalid.

So we come to Same Sex Marriage itself. I believe it should be allowed, I believe it should have the same name as marriage, and I believe it should be done post haste. I see no reasons why we would not allow gays to have the same freedom as heterosexuals to join together in matrimony. As long as they are both consenting adults entering into it of free will, I see no problem with it.

The name should be marriage because calling it something different cheapens it in my opinion. At the same time, I believe the gay community should be willing to cut some slack to the opponents of Same Sex Marriage and give up the label so long as they achieve legal equality. Andrew in his post made some good points about meeting halfway for both sides, and fighting an all or nothing war does not solve problems, it creates enemies.

Finally, I feel that polygamy is ok as long as it is entered into willingly by adults with full knowledge of what they are getting into. I am strongly opposed to the polygamy practiced by what I consider cults in some parts of Canada and the U.S. where young girls are forced into marriages with much older men by religious brainwashing and domineering parents.

I don't know if this post made much sense. Its such a diverse topic with many angles, but in the end for me it comes down to equality and tolerance.

The Real Ontario Photo Series

A part of an effort to introduce Ontario (the REAL Ontario) to those in other parts of the country that haven't been here before, I'm posting pictures from my weekend travels in Ontario. Pictures that do NOT include the CN Tower or Parliment buildings.

Here's the first one. We had some serious snowfall on the weekend and a lot of it sat on the tree branches and made a winter wonderland. I was entranced everywhere I went from Belleville to Cloyne and back to Ottawa. (Click to enlarge.)

Survived the Weekend... Barely

Man, that was a long weekend, and not long in the good sense. I ate way too much on Saturday, did not sleep well at the hotel Saturday night, went to a Christmas concert at a church on Sunday that was ok when the Kids were on the stage but mostly boring the rest of the time. Got home at 5:30 Sunday night after driving 3.5 hours that day and had to go out for grocery shopping still. E-freaking-gads.

Needless to say I'm a little wiped this morning.

Anyway, here are some topics I have lined up for this week:
- Gay Marriage
- High School
- Christmas Gifts
- Book Review

Just a Thought

If you ran a company and everyone that works for you came and said, "We know you claim the company is in trouble and we will take a 24% pay cut to help out", that tells me that they were 50% overpaid to begin with.

Just a thought.

And The Christmas Season Begins...

For the past few years, Christmas begins for me when my wife's extended family gets together for its Christmas dinner, usually the first or second weekend in December. I'm pretty much in holiday mode from then on out and useless at work for the rest of the month because that.

Well, this weekend is that time this year so I'll be running down Highway 15 to Kingston and then on to Belleville tomorrow morning. Snow is in the forecast but only minor flurries; anything less than 10cm is noise. (Note to Americans: not sure how much is 10cm? Why don't you join the rest of the world in the 20th century* and starting using the metric system? If you're going to continue to be obstinate, go here.)

So expect no blogging from me until Monday. In fact, assume most weekends will be quiet as I tend to avoid the computer and internet on the weekends as its too much of a time suck for me. I have plenty of other things to waste my time on at home.

* - Sigh, yes I know we are in the 21st Century now, it was part of the joke. Yes, I know, I'm not that funny.

News Flash! Warm Item In Lap Can Heat Things Up!!!

In a news bulletin, researches have found that operating a laptop computer on their lap for an hour can raise the temperature in the men's testicles by up to 3 degrees Celsius. Apparently the way you have to sit to balance the laptop along with the heat it generates contributes to the problem, which can impair a man's fertility.

Ok, who the hell actually uses a laptop on their lap? I mean, unless you are desperate for space in an airport terminal, you find a table top and set up there. And the laptops they make nowadays with real power are heavy enough to cut off blood circulation in your legs. That 15 inch LCD screen is not light let me tell you.

And did we really need a study to tell us that scrunching your body and putting a device that runs on electricity in your lap would raise your testicles' temperature? I mean, its obvious, right? Yeesh.

U.S. Ballistic Missile Defence

Recently there has been a lot of discussion here in Canada about the BMD that the U.S. is building, mainly because during President Bush's visit he brought it up a few times looking for Canadian support of the plan. I've been of two minds on the issue.

On one hand, I am against it:

1) It has not been proven to work. The proof of concept tests they performed had homing beacons in the target missiles so that the intercept missiles could home in on them. The only thing that proves is that we can engineer a mid-air collision when both target and weapon are working together. Those that would hold up the Patriot systems from Desert Storm as proof of a working model should read this. My point is, they should be able to demonstrate without questionable assistance that they can hit a ballistic missile in a realistic situation with considerable accuracy.

2) The threat is minimal. This system will work well to dissuade a rogue nation from launching a ballistic missile attack. Ok, how many nations have ballistic missiles capable of reaching continental United States? How many of said nations are rogue? What the hell is a rogue nation? As far as I can tell, this "rogue nation" stuff is a code word for North Korea or its a false leader to avoid pointing out the the U.S. military is preparing for another arms race against Russia. Or both. But the fact of the matter is that I think the threat from a ballistic missile attack on the U.S. directly is very low considering what would happen to the "rogue nation" that launched such an attack.

If a terrorist group had access to a ballistic missile, they are more likely to aim it at Tel Aviv instead of Washington, and if they are so intent on attacking the U.S., putting the nuclear device on a boat and driving into range of a coastal city seems far more certain and likely.

3) It a hell of a lot of money that could be used elsewhere, such as port security and intelligence gathering. As I mentioned above, I think the real threat is from ships and ports, not missiles.

On the other hand, I can see some reasons for joining the U.S. on this project:

1) They are going to do it with or without our cooperation. Its just not a question for the American government and military.

2) It would benefit Canadian/U.S. relations. They want our cooperation, not our money. They have the money (or at least they think they do). I think it is a reasonable extension of the NORAD agreement, and it would warm President Bush and his administration towards us for relatively no cost.

3) Its a defensive system, not offensive. These wingnuts going off about star wars and weaponization of space need to get a grip on reality. The BMD is for protection. Yes, it may someday be the basis of an offensive platform but that is not the issue on the table right now. These people should be protesting the nuclear arsenal the U.S. has, not the defensive system it is building.

* * * * * *

In the end, I think our government should support the BMD program so long as it does not cost any of our money. In my opinion its a bad idea but at least its a defensive instead of an offensive bad idea (*cough*Iraq*cough*), and the upside for Canada is significant at this time.

Made It Through The Ice Rain

Despite numerous crashes in the past, I made it home and back again through the nasty weather we've been having.

I've been driving for about 13 years now, and have owned 4 different cars over that time. I've been in the ditch with the first three cars, totaling the first in icy conditions when I was 18 or 19. I've also had an accident with my current car a few years ago, but it was a rainy day in the summer and a rear-ender, not a snowy ditch tour. Needless to say, my nickname with the family back home is "Crash".

Fortunately, no one ever has been hurt from my accidents. Even the first one where I totaled my car (ah Popemobile, how I miss you so) I still walked away from it and got a ride into my work at the gas station while my parents got the tractor and towed the wreck home. To be fair, when I say totaled I mean it could no longer drive on the road because the frame was bent since I hit a tree sideways. It could still move under its own power and my uncle used it in a crash derby a few weeks later. Sniff, sniff, I never got to really say goodbye.

Regardless, due to my experiences with winter and ditch explorations (you bet your ass I have CAA membership and a cell phone) I've become rather proficient at navigating snow and ice covered roads. Need any advice? Call me.

I Hate Ice Rain

Ick. Ice Rain. I hate driving in the stuff. I've taken more than a couple cars in the ditch because of ice rain, and that sucks.

Anyway, here goes nothing. If you don't hear from me tomorrow, assume another ditch has been explored by yours truly.

Favourite Blogs

Here are some of my favourite blogs beside Bound By Gravity where I am a guest poster.

Tilting at Windmills - Excellent political and economic analysis posts.

Peace, order, and good government, eh? - A very enjoyable Canadian political blog.

Bow, James Bow - Very personal writer with a variety of topics.

Pesky'Apostrophe: always better than an unexpected period - An American liberal blogger who blogs not only on political topics but also personal events, much like a diary. I tend to skip over the knitting posts though.

Stupid Evil Bastard - A variety of topics covered here from religion and politcs (American) to game consoles and miscellaneous.

Inkless Wells - Authored by a columnist for the Mcleans news magazine, he covers Canadian politics with a careful and insightful eye. Extremely enjoyable, I wish he had an RSS feed!

UPDATE: Yeah, I know I have to edit my blog roll and include these and other links. I'm getting there...

UPPERDATE: OK, added my blog roll.

Understanding Love Languages

My wife Kim recently picked up a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Its basic premise is as follows:

There are five "Love Languages" that people respond to: Physical, Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Gifts. When people are on the receiving end of one of these love languages their "love tank" is added to, and when they are denied one of these their "love tank" is decremented. Additionally, everyone has one favourite love language that they respond to in a far greater degree, essentially their main love language. Receiving their main love language can completely fill their love tank, and denying them their love language can deplete it. The upshot is that people are happier and more productive with full love tanks and depressed and miserable with empty or low love tanks.

The thrust of the book is that if you understand the primary love language of the people in your life, you are more capable of giving them the love they need and deciphering their actions in relation to you. For example, a parent with a child that values quality time above all else would best show their love by taking time with them and giving them full attention, while the same parent with a different child whose love language is affirmation could make extra effort to speak positively and encourage that child. (Note: this is not to say you should ignore all other love languages in favour of their primary in dealing with people.)

Also part of this book is the explanation that people usually attempt to communicate their love for others in their own primary love language, sometimes leading to confusion if others do not recognize it.

After learning about this concept and applying its ideas to our relationship, my wife and I started to understand where a significant amount of friction in our own relationship came from. Her primary love language is quality time and mine is affirmation. She felt hurt (i.e. her love tank was depleted) when I showed a desire to spend time with my friends instead of her, and no amount of my affirming my love for her was able to shake the feeling of abandonment. Conversely, anytime she had harsh words or criticisms of my actions I took greater offense than was intended because I felt that her love of me was not being affirmed, or rather that I could not feel her love for me at that time.

By talking about this and understanding what was occurring we have both been able to communicate more effectively and attempt to fill each others needs. By doing so we have fuller love tanks and are consequently happier and more productive.

(As an aside, I hate the "love tank" terminology but it works so well for explaining it.)

Outside of our marriage, I was able to apply the theory to other relationships and gain new understanding. My father's love language is Acts of Service, explaining how he showed his love for me by the things he did for me growing up that I didn't appreciate at the time. My mother-in-law is a physical love language person and feels hurt when I don't like giving hugs every time we get together.

Outside of family, I understand why my desire for feedback at work and in other endeavors has always been so important to me, and why any criticisms always put my in the defensive as I took them personally. Every time I said "Sorry I may have overreacted but I took what you said to heart" now makes perfect sense to me, especially when taking into account any insecurities I have.

Of course, one may ask is it that my love language is affirmation, or is it that my insecurities from a difficult time in high school make it appear that way? Do I seek approval and praise as part of a feeling of inferiority, or are feelings of inferiority fuelled by a love language of affirmation? I have pondered this frequently and in the past I may not have had any answers, but I am confident now to postulate that my love language is affirmation irrespective of any insecurities I have. At this time in my life I am the most confident and emotionally balanced I have ever been, yet the slightest word of praise from complete strangers can brighten my day significantly and the most minor of negative feedback can put me on the defensive immediately. (Fortunately, even before reading of love languages I learned to reign in my predilection for overreaction, at least externally. Overreacting on the internet is not the best way to make friends.)

Who Am I & What Am I Doing?

I joined the blogging culture earlier this year when Andrew at Bound By Gravity got into it and pulled me in. I often find new things by word of mouth from friends, something worth analyzing in the future.

Since I started reading blogs and posting myself as a guest, I've been forced to face some of my basic assumptions and philosophy and question my beliefs in a way I've never been asked to before. For the most part I found myself to be on solid ground, but in some cases I was disappointed.

I have learned a lot about myself in the process and I think I want to continue to explore who and what I am. This blog is a record of that exploration. So, with that said:

Who am I today? I am a 30 year old software engineer for a company in Ottawa, Ontario. I am happily married with no children, but we own three geckos. I live in a town called Carleton Place west of Ottawa, and grew up south of Ottawa before attending Carleton University in Ottawa. Expect for a brief two year stint living in Barrie and working on Toronto, I've spent my entire life living in Eastern Ontario.

For fun I do the usual computer and consol gaming, and I participate in a hobby called Warhammer which involves miniature wargaming. Don't expect to hear much about that here, I have another massive outlet for that stuff.

Finally, I am overweight and joined Weight Watchers Online at the end of September after being inspired by Andrew (notice a pattern yet?). I've successfully lost 25 pounds so far, with the goal being to lose 75 more pounds by October 2005. We'll see how that goes. Expect progress reports as time goes by.

What am I doing? I want to continue to investigate my basic assumptions and beliefs and to do that I want to make a record so I can go back and read my thoughts as they occur. Examine myself from a distance so to speak. This blog is going to be my running record, a public introspective of who I am and what I think. It may evolve over time, it may not. We'll see.

Hmmm, How to Fix the Template

I used the "I'm a Newbie Help Me" method of starting a blog and picked my template from a set list. I didn't quite realize till now that the link colour is kind of pink. Or Fuchsia I think its called. Not sure I'm fond of it, not that I have anything against pastel colours or anything. Its just not me...

I'm thinking blue. Or maybe orange like the log summary text at the top of the sidebar. Burnt Orange? Whatever, just not pink. Sorry, fuchsia.

I'm also going to find/make my own title bar. I like the one there now excepting the pink/fuchsia bar, but I'd like something original. No idea what so it may be time to brush up on my photoshop skills.

Starting up the Obsidian Tempest

I was originally going to go for Alternate Endings as a blog name, but its in use by someone doing, er, questionable postings. Let's leave it at that.

This is an experiment, a place to write those inconsequential daily thoughts and events that so obsess me and are so trivial in the overall picture. I will continue to post on Bound By Gravity for serious news items and topics.